hazy dayzzz

takin this slow. fill out my name, address, ethnicity, and eventually I’ll get to the most important part. I can do it.

last night an old family friend and I stayed up til around 430 AM just talking. katie’s a lot older than… about 16 years older than me. my 2 older sisters are 7, and 14 years older. I get along really well with katie- despite her not even being blood, and with the 7 year older sister. but the 14 age difference between the eldest and I seems so strained. so awkward. it’s like our relationship only exists because we’re related. we’re civil, we love each other, but we’re not friends per say. we hardly have anything in common besides familial ties and maybe liking the same store. we have completely different tastes in music, culture, friends, art, games, hobbies… we’re just too different. honestly, sometimes I forget she even exists, as much as I hate to even say it- it’s true. I guess we just don’t get along to the extent where we can call ourselves friends- not just sisters. 

katie and I learned a lot about our families. our moms are close to each other, our dads are more along the lines of drinking/party buddies. hers are divorced. mine are unofficially divorced/separated yet living in the same home. we discovered all of the hardships we both went through, and how similarly we actually grew up despite those 16 years. it’s funny because we can gossip about The Hills and Gossip Girl or about Brody Jenner. we can talk about fashion, clothes, bags, or about her baby- he’s 1 and 1/2 by the way. last night was good. I guess she made me realize a lot. within these past few years, I’ve always noticed that close bond she has with her mother- she really loves her mom. she always puts her mom first- last night when we were grilling meat she always made sure her mom was eating first and had everything ready before katie herself would eat. even then, she would put her cousin, my mom, and even me before herself. I guess she taught me in a way to just grow up. she kind of taught me to be more selfless and granted- who isn’t selfish? I guess it’s a trait mankind can’t help. last night during our super long conversation, she said we probably get along because I’m actually really mature for my age. I’d like to take that as a compliment. put aside my schooldays and those other days and nights where all I do is play, play, play, play, and play but I guess so. I grew up early. not the point where  I was completely driven and worked- but emotionally I guess? I honestly don’t know how to explain it. I guess I have a better understanding of things. this was really too long. sorry. 

if I’m so mature- why can’t I get along with my eldest sister? she probably still thinks I’m a kid. I was only 3 when she left so I guess she still has that mentality that I’m still 3. that I’m just a child. I’m sheltered. that I don’t understand anything. I wish she’d realize that… I’m not a kid. I haven’t been one for a while despite my carefree days. I grew up a long time ago.

Inception was quite the movie. I haven’t seen such a good movie in so long! I thought it was such a coincidence… dream-stealers, secrets in your mind, being in a dream within a dream. I used to think when I was a child that I was living in a dream. I used to think that I was in a comatose state, waiting to be woken up. & now here I am, watching a movie so similar to my thoughts. what a trip. Anyways, the movie was ridiculous. So good. Mind Blown.

I’m home. & I’m exhausted- but in a good way. sister is still here! :)

nicolexbby:

(via juliebautista)

friday- came home at like 1 after watching Despicable Me and other shit
saturday- woke up at 5AM for vegas
and now today I come home at 330AM and now it’s 446AM and I’m on tumblr

my sleeping pattern is so fucked… and I’m tired ): 

*yeah okay summer don’t end please, hahah. San Diego- good weekend. Vegas next weekend. Chicago- unfortunate fail. Toy Story 3- I don’t understand why you people cried HAHA. Volunteer</3. new contacts coming soon. colored? Idk. tumblr you are so boring now. UM HAI PERFECT WEATHER<3 although next week, hi 90 degree weather. ANDD this weekend desert weather lol. I have letters to write and to mail. awaiting Esther Rhee’s arrival in LA, Califuckinfornia<3 hmm summer. you are doing me well :) but it’s all stoppin’ on August 16/17. or somethin’. I can’t find a nice blazer I like… or a fedora, and I’ve been looking for how long? oh this is a pointless blog.

I painted my nails a pretty shade of blue on friday but I need to take it off.. like now. no painted nails at the hospital :/ oh well, I get why BUT IT’S NOT LIKE I TOUCH THE PATIENTS. oohhh I’m already tired just thinking about volunteer tomorrow siiiiggh. such a workout. plus some of the workers like to take advantage of us by having us do their shit for them. I’m all for helpin’ out man but.. don’t abuse your right over calling us. eeesh!